The Pointlessness of Old Media

I don't pretend to be a news site, but CNN does. Here is a list of their top stories from approximately 2 minutes ago:



Study: Thousands of vets return with mental illness

Poll finds Giuliani the GOP favorite | Poll | Video

Mexico's richest man casts controversial shadow

Alleged D.C. madam to share client records

Image-obsessed sorority booted off campus

Study shows why exercise boosts brainpower

Hall of Fame rocked by Van Halen, Patti Smith

Blogger gets 4 years in slammer for criticism

Shark rips flesh from surfing lawyer's arm

Newborn's body found in gym bag beside road

Actor Fred Thompson eyes White House | Video

Stallone charged with banned substance


Out of 12 stories, at least 7 are complete fluff that might be found in womens' magazines, TV Guide or celebrity gossip columns.

My New Love

My boyfriend went overboard with the gifts for my birthday, but my favorite gift is the complete collection of Rudyard Kipling's poetry that he caught me looking at in the bookstore. He has such a good memory! I love Kipling because I can turn to any poem and it is written clearly, artfully and has something of substance to say. His writing also seems strangely relevant to today. "There is nothing new under the sun," as they say. I might imitate the Gates of Vienna and start posting selected poems.

I Don't Get It

I am not Christian, but I do not understand the craze to discredit Christianity. "The DaVinci Code" was a fun read, but it should be taken for what it is: a work of fiction. I enjoyed its predecessor, "Holy Blood, Holy Grail" more (I read it when I was 11 before Dan Brown had ever even heard of it), but even that book did not offer more than speculation. Just now I was flipping through the tv channels and briefly landed on Bill Maher's show where he and a troupe of boneheads were excited about a new program claiming to have found Jesus' tomb in East Talpiot, a neighborhood I have lived in for a significant amount of time and where BF grew up. This programs' claims seemed to be based on some pretty weak evidence: 1) The names Joseph, Mariam, Yeshua appear together. These are ridiculously common names in Judaism and are popular to this day. 2)They compared DNA found in the crypt and believe it belongs to Jesus. What the hell? What original sample could there possibly be to compare the crypt DNA to? Was Indiana Jones right? Is there really a government warehouse with a vial marked Son of G-d DNA? I doubt that this program offers anything more than an hour of entertainment. So why were Bill Maher & Co. so excited and so eager to believe this nonsense? Personally, I believe it is because religion is passe for most people and criticizing Western civilization is highly fashionable. Also, Christians don't go beserk when they or their religion are criticized. Look, I'm a Jew and I have PLENTY of reasons to dislike Christianity, but I don't believe in pouncing on every little rumor in glee to tear apart a major world religion. I notice nobody questions the prophethood of Mohammed, which would be much easier to do. This is because Muslims can't handle criticism, have no self-control and wouldn't hesitate to murder a critic AND because Saudi Arabia forbids archaeological research. For me, Mohammed and Joseph Smith are cut from the same cloth: they were either delusional or outright frauds. Yet I am not rubbing my hands in excitement over every flimsy piece of evidence to discredit them. And I don't understand why Westerners are so intent on kicking out the legs from under their own civilization.

Update: I am watching "The Lost Tomb of Jesus Christ" right now and I am highly entertained by seeing my old neighborhood featured so prominently. Perhaps I walked past this place they are talking about. I also noticed that some apartments that are undergoing contruction in the background are the same apartments that I almost moved to. They were really beautiful, but the vaad bayit (maintenance fee/condo fee) was too high. I love Jerusalem with all my heart. It is the most beautiful city in the world.

The Downward Spiral

My health problems and the cost of treating them have me in a very blue mood today. Blue isn't the proper word; hopeless is better. I'm nearly 30 and I am at the very bottom of the career ladder, have high student loans and am now in need of serious and costly treatments. I can't stop crying. I just feel so alone in the world. I wish I had a family to say encouraging things to me or help me out financially a little. What makes the situation even more unbearable is that i'm sure that I have caused or contributed to these problems by neglect, depression and the lack of knowledge. Life is miserable and will never get better.

Why? Why? Why?

I'm back from the gym and the calorie counters said I burned 400 calories. Weeks of work, hundreds and hundreds of calories burned and no result. Not a single pound! Somebody tell me why!

American Idol Girls Week 2

Girls' 2nd night.

Gina Glockson: sang "Alone." I went back and listened to Carrie Underwood sing it and again there is no comparison. Carrie sang it 10 times better with half the effort and a lot more poise. I still might vote for her.

Alaina: can't put a complete sentence together, the song is boring and her bouncing and knobbly knees are irritating me.

Lakesha: can really sing, but her performance isn't nearly as fun, peppy or memorable as Paris Bennett's performance of the same song. Simon was right on the mark about Lakesha's outfit choice; the miniskirt doesn't do her any good. I wonder who would win if the competition were between Jennifer Hudson, Fantasia, Mandisa, Lakesha and Melinda. That would be awesome!

Melinda: looks sharp, boring song (My Funny Valentine). Has old mannerisms and singing style and looks much older when she is singing. I would not take her for 28. Very lounge lizard tonight. Damn, she can sing tho! Simon loved it. I'm definitely voting for her.

Antonella: cool dress. Why do people sing Celine Dion songs when they are so boring and few can match Celine's powerful voice? I didn't like the performance and I hope she gets voted off this week. She has an attitude problem and definitely proves Simon's point about those with little talent, but big egos.

Jordin: I love her, but this week's song is boring. Strong voice. Good feedback from the judges. I'm voting for her.

Stephanie: why are all of the girls singing slow songs tonight? Awesome earings and beautiful dress. Boring song (a Beyonce song I haven't heard before). I think the song is holding her back. I have to admit that she looks and sings like a pop star. "The dawg is right." :-)

Redhead (what is her name?!): so far, she is singing better than last week. Sadly, she has no grace, always looks very awkward. Is that skat? It sucks. I liked the sound of her voice, but she doesn't know how to put a song together and make it work. Ryan is definitely earning his money.

Who the hell is this girl? I don't remember her from Abel.: Very sexy and looks like a model. Her voice is too weak for a rock song. Very vanilla and not rockin' at all--she's more like a college coed on spring break dancing on a table. I seriously don't remember her. Randy agrees with me. Simon made her cry. I still didn't catch her name.

Sabrina: Very beautiful and looks a little like Gloria Estafan. Great voice, boring song. I don't know if that last note was ok. Tepid feedback from the judges.

Ok it's time to vote and then go to the gym.

American Idol

Ho hum. I absolutely love American Idol. It is the one show I look forward to every season. Actually, I missed the first 3 seasons and started watching it during season 4 when I was in Israel (go Bo and Carrie! I'll never forget my Aussie roommate saying he enjoyed watching me watch AI because I always unconsciously grinned during it.) Through the magic of youtube I've been able to catch up on much of the earlier seasons (Fantasia was a star! Was bored by Ruben Studdard and Clay Aiken, but maybe it is because I didn't live through the week to week drama. Sorry, folks.) I really enjoyed last season also and thought Taylor, Mandisa, Paris, Bucky, Chris Daughtry and the others were all really terrific. I'll never understand why Katherine McPhee was in the finals since she is clearly a broadway singer, her bulemic thinness and current slutty makeover notwithstanding, but the drama and the singing were still great, even in the final episode. This season, however, is very different. I am bored. The audition episode focused too much on the ridiculous and the terrible and totally neglected the good auditions, which I crave just as much as the silly ones. They seemed to go on forever. Hollywood week was a bust and nothing was shown or said; I felt robbed. The top 24 performances aren't that intereting either. The guys in particular are dull, even tho tonight's second episode was much better than the first. I can't even remember their names even though I knew everyone in the past 2 seasons. They just are not memorable, except for Sundance because that name is impossible to forget. So far, only Blake has stood out for his good performance last week and his beatboxing this week. I didn't vote for Chris Sligh this week because when I went back and compared his performance of "Trouble" to Taylor's there was no comparison. Chris Sligh would not have even made it to the stage last season. The girls sang great last week, but somehow it was all very predictable. None of them seem to have a distinctive personality and all of the white girls look strangely identical and sound identical. I'm beginning to think that America has run out of talent and the show ought to take a 3 year hiatus. I also don't understand how that redhead managed to stay another week. She was atrocious! Hopefully, the performances will get better, but in previous seasons we did not have to wait for the shows to improve--they were great from the get-go.

An Update

I've been going to the gym almost every day for the past few weeks. I spend 30-40 minutes doing cardio (I love the elliptical!) and then usually use the muscle machines. Is it too much to expect that I should lose at least a pound?! I weigh myself before every workout and then again afterwards and find that I always lose a pound in sweat, but the next day that pound is back on again. It's infuriating! I am not very fond of my gym; it has ventilation issues and is always muggy. My boyfriend is ready to end his membership because the men's showers haven't had hot water for 2 months. Anyhow, I just wish I would start seeing results.

The job front is still abysmal.

I have a mammogram scheduled for next week. Breast cancer is prevalent on both sides of my family and I thought I felt a lump. It's better to be paranoid even if it leads to charges of hypocondria from my BF (because last month there were flashes in my eyes and I thought my retina was detaching--it's not). I may be a hypocondriac, but I hate doctors and everything medical and haven't been to a doctor in years. Truthfully, I'm terrified of learning the results. Do you know what the real bitch of it is though...it turns out that soy contributes to breast cancer because of its high estrogen content. I've been drinking soy every day because I thought it was healthy and I dislike milk. This means no more toffee nut soy lattes. I am so bummed.

Does fat jiggle or does it condense when you shiver?

Holy crap, I have never been so cold in my life! I don't remember my reason for moving to the east coast because my brain has frozen solid.

Vomitous Propaganda

Why does the mainstream media promote Islam, but not any other religion? What do they get out of it? I presume that the majority of American journalists are secular since religion is not central in the culture of educated western liberals. Indeed, at Big Snotty University, I would say that over half of the applicants say "none" or leave the line blank when asked about their religious affiliation. In that context then, this headline on the Yahoo homepage is unbelievable. I mean, you would never see these headlines on a main page, if at all: "Praying at the Wailing Wall is Exhilirating for Young American Jews" or "Contemplating Blades of Grass Swaying in the Wind Exhilirating for Young Buddhist-Americans" or "Billy Graham Revival Meeting Exhilirating for Young Christians." Why is Islam acceptable to secular liberal journalists, but not these other religions? The headline didn't even specify that it was Muslims that were exhilirated by the Hajj, it just said that "Americans" were exhilirated as if all of America is so excited that a bunch of Muslims are tramping around a rock and slaughtering goats. Honestly.

Oh Shit! I just checked the article again before posting it and the headline changed from "Hajj Exhilirating for Young Americans" to "Hajj an Adventure for Young Americans." WTF? Did the AP realize how ridiculous it looked to be shilling for a particular religion like an evangelist? I've almost completely stopped watching the news on television or reading newspapers, whether online or print, because the quality is so low. Every now and then, however, a headline just jumps out at me and reminds me of why I've given up reading these mediums.

One other thought: how did the reporter manage to find a Jew at the Hajj? Muschelewicz is a very Jewish sounding name. He sounds like a tool.

Did You Miss Me?

If you've been wondering where the fat girl went, well, she went and got herself a job. I currently work at a Big Snotty University. I'm not joking about the snotty part either. The monied class of every Third World country sends their children here. Don't get me started on the application I read from a certain heir of a certain Middle Eastern royal house. On the other hand, the office is really friendly and the people are great. I think I lucked out. Not only that, but I've also taken to walking the over 3 miles home from work on rainless days and am feeling really good about it. Perhaps this will mark a turnaround in my life.

Uh Oh

I've noticed a slight tingling in my feet the past several days and when I sit still, the heels of my feet go numb. I googled these symptoms and everything came back DIABETES. My grandfather had diabetes and lost a leg. Apparently, diabetes results from bad diet and lack of exercise, but he was a very active and trim man and even though I've gained weight, I still go on long walks every day. Today I walked for nearly two hours and I'm a fast walker--no one is ever able to keep up with me. I think what this means is that I need to make drastic changes in my diet, definitely more fruits and vegetables. I need to get my boyfriend on board with this because we eat the same food. His father suffered from diabetes and heart problems too, although it was cancer that finally did him in. I'm sure these problems are not unrelated and since my boyfriend is the spitting image of his father in every respect, I know that he is at risk for his father's diseases. I can't bear the thought of losing him like his mother lost her husband at such a young age. We need to make changes now!

Does Judaism have excommunication?

If so, then these bozos ought to be the first to go. They are British Jews, probably Neturai Karta, who attended Iran's Holocaust Denial Party.

There are no words

The Palestinian factions have been engaged in a low level civil war since before the Israeli withdrawal from Gaza. They tear at each other like sharks in a womb, but today I think a line was crossed which could see the factionalism explode into full-fledged civil war. Some Hamasniks assasinated the children of a Fatah official as they travelled home from school, in full view of hundreds of school children. Children! It takes a special kind of depravity/fanaticism to look a child in the face and shoot it. I don't want to become a blowhard pundit, but some things do boggle the mind.

The bad and the good in my life

I've been to several job interviews the past couple of weeks. I thought I had done very well, but no takers as of yet. I've been quite down because of it. My boyfriend is really sweet: he goes out in the morning before I've woken up and buys me a soy latte from Starbucks so that I'll have something nice to wake up to. He makes me feel like a queen.

A further thought

When I wrote "dirt poor" in the last entry, it prompted me to think about how poor people in America tend to be fatter because fatty foods are cheaper than healthy stuff. You could feed a large family for $10 at Taco Bell. (On a side note, ever since I've come back to America I am astounded every time I go to the supermarket because the fruits and veggies are so expensive and tasteless and the selection is terrible! No wonder people don't eat healthy here! Israel may be an evil zionist regime, but their agricultural produce is fantastic and the people glow with good health. It's all about the olives, tomatoes, and oranges). But I digress. Writing the previous entry caused me to remember that in my house we didn't have a working oven or freezer and that the refrigerator kinda worked, the microwave kinda worked and we had one burner to cook on. And we never used the kitchen sink. We didn't have proper dishes; only paper plates and disposable utensils so there would be nothing to wash. It all sounds so glamorous, no? We ate fast-food almost every night and on days that we didn't we ate Ramen noodles. I grew up with a taste for fast-food and even today I hate to cook and I eat out whenever possible, although I try to make healthier choices now. I think it's not so much that I "got fat", but that my metabolism finally caught up with the bad eating habits I had been brought up with. My high school boyfriend was even poorer. When the welfare check came in his family would eat like kings for a couple of days and the rest of the time they at 20cent frozen burritos. That family was actually hungry. My boyfriend always had a lean, hungry look on his face and since the parents were really negligent the boys often had to fend for themselves and find their own food. It was really sad. They couldn't even get fat on fast-food, they were that poor.

High School Reunion

My mother emailed me yesterday to tell me I had gotten a postcard informing me of the upcoming 10 yr highschool reunion. For joy. I was expelled from highschool, you bitches, and was refused admittance to the honors program even tho I ended up going to a better university than anyone else (except for the girl who went to Yale and the guy who went to MIT). My family is dirt poor so I definately didn't get into college based on connections. Anyhow, I think the mention of the reunion caused me to have this weird dream last night. I dreamt that i was in a big law school lecture hall and everyone was taking a final, but the test takers weren't law students, they were my high school classmates. I sat down to take a test next to two girls who I had been friends with since elementary school (they ditched me in highschool because I didn't buy into fundamentalism and wasn't in the marching band). When I tried talking with them they were really angry with me about something--I'm not sure what--and didn't want me to talk or sit with them. I walked up the stairs to the back of the lecture hall and was beckoned by a Filipino I had been friendly with, but I ignored him because I was embarrassed about my weight even tho he had always been chubby in highschool and then I tried to avoid everybody else. I also saw a lefty Israeli grad student who had TA'd one of my classes in college, but I didn't feel like talking and ignored him too. I woke up feeling really unhappy. What does it all mean?

Something is bothering me today and it's not my weight

It's amazing how much anti-semitism I encounter on a daily basis from ordinary people. I expected it in university where the Jews are the scapegoat for every pet cause, but I didn't expect it in real life. I grew up in a conservative Christian town (I was considered an oddity there--a Jew and a liberal), but my ethnic origins never once came up as a point of issue or were used as an ad hominim attack against me in a disagreement. In university my voice was invalid because the university is dominated by leftists and in the leftist version of reality, JEWS are the sole producers of racism, human rights violations, war, poverty and environmental degradation in the entire world. All the hatred I encountered everyday in uni (the spitting, the yelling, the accusations, the lies and the physical attacks on Jews and Jewish religious buildings and symbols, including a Holocaust memorial!)led me to leave America and go to Israel for a few years. Israel bears no resemblance to its depiction on college campuses or on CNN, BBC, Sky News, et al. Anyhow, I'm back in America now and living in a lefty-dominated Big City. The hate is spewing my way again and not surprisingly, it is emanating from left-leaning individuals. Although I'm still registered as a Democrat, I voted straight Republican in the last election, even if I wasn't familiar with the candidate because the vibe I'm getting from Democrats these days is that the Democrats wouldn't hesitate to send me to a gas chamber if they had half a chance.

The Usual Routine

I started out good today, but as soon as my boyfriend goes to sleep, I gorge all night long. I go into the kitchen every 10 minutes and hate myself all night long. I'm not obese, but I know I will be in the near future if I keep this up. I feel desolate and don't want to go anywhere or see anyone.

The bottomless pit

Today was another day of unstoppable eating. I'm worried because no matter how much I eat, I never feel full. Even if I eat a large meal and can feel my belt straining, I am starving again 30 minutes later. How do I stop this? I've always had this problem, but the calories didn't compound when I was younger because I was more active. My mother used to marvel at how much I could put away. Then again, she is totally satisfied with a few crackers and slices of cheese. Feelings of ravening hunger are unknown to her. Have I ever seen her eat a full meal? Perhaps she eats in secret like my boyfriend. I've always been the heaviest one in my family, even in my skinny days.

The rain doesn't help. The weather is utterly miserable for days at a time and I hate to venture outside, especially since this is my first winter in a cold environment and I don't have the appropriate clothing or shoes. I don't know what passes for winter fashion. I just want to be warm and snuggly.